So, Is This Real?

2 Mar

We are still going strong, after hitting just a couple of minor bumps in the road. I sometimes wonder if he gets it, though.

I wonder what it’s like for him. Does he get that “my God, I love her” feeling like I do? Does he smile at the thought of me being in his arms, and get butterflies when he sees my name on his cell caller ID?

I’m not really sure how it is for him. I wonder if he thinks about the future. I wonder if he dreams of a day when we are together, as one, all the time, partners together in life, with no chance of that bond being destroyed.

Does he love me like I love him? Gosh, I hope so. I would move heaven and earth for him, and spend all of my days trying to keep him smiling.

He is such an amazing guy. His laugh is contagious. His sense of humor, his smile, everything about him is just so intoxicating.

I love when he looks at me, the way he looks at me. Sometimes, it’s so intense, I have to look away because I feel like I could cry ~not because I am sad, but because I can’t believe this is real…

 

2016 Chrissyisms

Everyday, It’s Stronger

5 Feb

As I sit here, without you, I can’t stop thinking about you. I wonder if you’re okay. I wonder if you’re tired, if you’ve eaten enough, if you’re hurting in any way, if you’re lonely without me there.

I treasure every moment I get to spend with you, whether it is on the phone or in person.  I want so badly to love you the way you deserve to be. You tell me you’re not used to it. I want so badly to show you how it is supposed to be.

I see pictures taken during the time we weren’t together and it brings tears to my eyes to see that someone else was lucky enough to be with you, but didn’t see what she had in you. I wonder if you forgot about me during that time. I wonder if you felt like something was missing, even though you had someone.

You say I am oversensitive when it comes to you. I admit it. I am. I can’t help it, I love you so much.

Sometimes I see another couple in a store or something, just doing things together, not worrying about who sees them together, holding hands, and wish so badly to have that with you.

It may sound crazy but when I can’t be by your side, whether it’s just cuddling, watching tv, or out, my heart aches. I long to be yours, and want to hold you whenever I can.

I want to be yours forever. I really hope you want the same. If ever there is a time when you feel I’m not the one, please tell me. I will quietly walk away.

All I want out of this whole crazy life is for you to smile that gorgeous smile every single day.

I love you.

 

A Letter to the Man I Love

2 Feb

Hi,

It’s just me, jotting down thoughts that only I can see. I wanted to tell you so many things. I always want to tell you everything. I want to start by saying, I have no idea where this all began, but I sure hope it never ends.

Sometime between our first introduction and “I’m a taurus,” I knew you were something special. I knew I wanted to at least be your friend. I thought to myself “Wow, he is not just cool, but he is real cute as well.”

Truthfully,  I didn’t think I would ever see you again, but I knew we had to keep in touch, somehow.

That first night at Twin River was an amazing night. It didn’t take long for me to see that I wanted to be more than just your friend. Everytime I looked at you, I would get this feeling that would just consume every inch of my body. The word “butterflies” doesn’t even accurately describe it…and the first time you kissed me, I nearly collapsed; you made me that weak.

The more I got to know you, the more deeply I fell for you. You have an amazing personality, the cutest smile, the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen.

I wanted you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and the situation was tough. In the beginning, we had trouble adjusting. We let each other go, and I missed you so much more than you could ever imagine.  I loved you more than I wanted to admit. And then fate, fate lead us back to each other. Obviously, it was meant to be – we loved, yet set it free, and it came back.

I want you to know that now, NOW I know. Now I know that you complete me. Now I know the pain of losing someone you love that much. Now I know what it’s like to actually make love to someone, how beautiful it can be when you share something so intimate, so close. Now I know what needs to be done. I will love you, every single minute of every day, forever, and I promise you, I will do my best to make sure that you know how awesome and loved you are – how much you mean to me.

After all…you are my “density”….

2006 Chrissyisms

Thoughts

1 Feb

My thoughts are mine, and mine alone. As I am lying here, sick with whatever the hell these kids carry, all I have is time to think. It’s him. He’s the one that’s on my mind constantly.

I’m always wondering if he’s thinking of me when we can’t be together. I wonder if he loves me as much as I love him. I wonder if he misses me, too.

I keep dreaming of the future, hoping that this is really it – that this time, no matter what obstacles are in the way, we are going to stay strong and stick together anyhow. Hoping that when all is said and done, I will find myself in the most safest, heavenly place on earth – lying in his arms. I’ve never loved someone so purely, and strongly before.

I just hope he has those same thoughts. He means everything to me. I want to laugh with him, cry with him, smile with him, hold him when he needs me to. I just want to love him -better than he has ever had it before.

2016 Chrissyims

 

 

Why…

31 Jan

Why is it so hard for me to believe that this guy, this wonderfully, sweet, adorable guy, could actually love me?

He says he does. I don’t think he is the type to just throw those kinds of words around. All I know is when I am with him, my heart skips a beat.

I got to wake up next to him today. I had to make sure I was still alive, because it truly felt like what I would imagine heaven, if it existed, to feel like.

I may be crazy. Maybe I love him too much. I just hope he sees it, and in a good way. I never want him to hurt again in his life. I want to show him that he is worth all the love in the world and if he will just give me the chance, I want to be the one to show him what that feels like.

He took me to heaven last night and this morning. I never want to come back…

 

 

 

2016 Chrissyisms

The Little Things

27 Jan

Sometimes, for no reason at all, I will just look up at the stars on a clear night, and take notice of their light. Those moments help me to remember the essence of life. It is the little things that count.

The same can be said about love. It’s the simple, little gestures that mean the most. It’s getting lost in his eyes. It’s the feeling of missing him before you even leave his presence. It’s the aroma of his smell still on your clothes after you see him. It’s the feeling of being so comfortable, so content, that you write silly blog posts like this one, because you love him so much, that you want to just share it with the world. You want everyone out there to see just how amazingly wonderful being in love is.

I want people to see how beautiful it is. You don’t see hate and darkness when you’re in love. It’s like closing your eyes and imagining yourself at the place where you feel the most safe and content; perhaps you are on a tropical island, or atop of a mountain. Even when you can’t be together, you feel the energy of it everytime you hear or read the words “I love you,” as butterflies make your entire body quiver.

He may not understand why I love him so much, and he thinks he isn’t so amazing… but you don’t have to be superman to be someone’s hero.

 

2016 chrissyisms

Hold on…

25 Jan

I look back now and wonder just how I survived these last few months. I pushed all of my feelings aside and just let go. It crushed me to do that, but, I figured it was in the best interest for everyone involved.

Now, I know better. When he looks at me, a wave of weakness overcomes my entire body – I can completely lose myself in his eyes.

This entire thing is quite impressive really. I’ve gone through my entire life, thinking that I knew what love is, when in all actuality, I knew nothing. It has never felt like this.

I have never before felt like cheering, laughing, and crying all at the same time before. It is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced.

He doesn’t think he is anything so wonderful. He keeps reflecting on his past, and defining who he is by the way others have treated him before. That was their problem. He is just so humbled and kind hearted. He attracted the wrong souls.

While I am certainly not without fault, I can honestly say that I intend on loving him completely, kindly, truly. He means so much to me. I will show him that he deserves to be loved the right way.  I will give him nothing less.

I lost him once. I would be lying to say I am confident I will not lose him again. I am petrified that I will – not because I think I will – but because that was by far the hardest thing I ever had to go through, and the worst sadness ever. And to think I pretended I was fine without him during that time. I deserve an emmy for that performance.

I am holding on this time. True love is quite rare. I think I am finally starting to believe in it again. I think I am finally starting to believe that he loves me too.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡